I'll stay through it all ♥

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

im trying to be hopeful

can it, still, happen

i found new things abt myself tdy. but anw, pamla!!! ikea HOTDOG BUN TMR!!♥

this post is dedicated to my girls from class.

the htht just now was rly awesome. cuz it made me realize things tht i nv ever did. honestly, there were two topics in my life thts a big no-no tht i nv want to talk abt up till ytd. i rly rly dread it when ppl ask n i feel awkward n to some extent melancholic. it wasn easy for me to use words like "ex" or "past" because it's weird to some extent. i thought by doing nth or bitching i wld get better. but no i was trapped and unable to rly move on. i feel discouraged n down easily and i rly dno wht to do. but opening up tdy, it was awesome. i emptied my no-no list by bringing tht 2 particular things up. and to my surprise, it was easy. i think i took enough time to put everything behind me. to be able to talk abt it like normally. n srsly, im proud of myself for being able to do so. i felt so relieved, and refreshed. as i was talking abt it, i realize only the good things came out, n i start to see how many good things actually happened. n i rly need to say thank you. i realized it's only painful cuz it happened concurrently. but separate issues, both r things tht i no longer feel for anw. i ever thought of making things difficult for the other party but thts so childish i realize now. so i took initiative to text those ppl. to apologise and rly untie the knot. and it's rly rly a v i-dno-how-to-say but it feels good. like hey i've grown up. look, i can handle things like an adult. like ikr, yeah. so rly rly THNK YOU GUYS OKAYY!! with lots of love!! rly, if not for u guys, this 2 topics r still no-no and i rly wld be still emo n cry at one corner where noone is looking. thnks for being such great listeners!♥

i dont wna spend my whole life trying to show other ppl how nice im. trying to pretend, to be so angelic. i can be a bitch. i want to be able to say things i wna say. but two rules i have n wld nv break, no lying and no leaking of secrets no matter how angry i can get. thts me.

and im so irritated, by the mosquito bites. thr are like 7 on my legs wth right. n more irritated tht im not getting quick response from u. dont u think it's sth impt. or yeah, i forgot, it's not impt to u anw. haix. but im determined to make things okay tonight. i shall wait.

this is how my sinus works. left side, tap open for a day. stop. next day, righty's turn. awesome? fml. argh.

[daughtry- it's not over]

5:56 AM