Monday, October 4, 2010
on the contrary-
just as how cancer is resulted from accumulation of mutations, whts happening now resulted from accumulation of many many things in the past. and both of them are just as scary as each other.
whenever i blog-ged abt this, i would remove it in a few minutes. but i cnt take it and this is one possible way to relief my anger. i needa ctrl my emotions? i think im too good at it that ppl ard me cnt sense anything from me, may it be that im happy or not. they assume im angry, they assume im happy, they assume my emotions for me; even if these aasumptions totally dont reflect wht im rly gg through. i wanted to scream i wanted to run i wanted to sleep forever, but all these are not as impt as finding one permanent shoulder to lean on and feel safe for the whole of my life.and the only thing i want now is none of those but something to hang on. i needa break i needa break i needa break from all these fking nonsense gg on. omfg this posts sounds so freakking sad. but well, my point is, im angry now, im writing nonsense, and im not sure if i wld remove this or not. or let this piece of incoherent writing be for your entertainment thn. and the moral of the story is, dont assume assume assume, you needa open ur mouth to ask because you dunnoe anything.
and so if you still dont wanna ask me, here it is:
i hate it whenever i put someone first who puts me second. im there for you 24/7 whenever you need me and you just ignore me or make me wonder if you even treated me as a friend according to your mood at tht very instant. i hate it to care so much about someone who dont even care enough to say text me once in a while. i dedicate my time for you and time and again you chose to pangseh me for other things. it just seem to me that you're taking me for granted and just trying to walk away with it. and ever wonder how the fuck it feels. and i've learnt to be smarter and be immune to you and i believe im doing very well, very very well.
i find myself being very anti-social, smiling to only a few ppl, talking to a few ppl, waves to v v v few ppl. but dont worry friend, im still your friend, dont panic whn one day i dont smile back, because i may just so happen be caught in a very tired situation.
1:40 AM
